Monday, June 2, 2008

I Think I Could Beat Kimbo Slice

James “The Colossus” Thompson missed a huge opportunity on CBS Saturday night. Instead of arguing with the ref about the questionable stoppage, he should have seized the moment to stand over the prone body of Kimbo Slice and raise his hands high in the air.

It’s not like Kimbo would have done anything – he could barely muster the wind to do a post-match interview.

The good news for the debut of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) on prime time television is that the show drew excellent ratings, and the audience peaked for the main event. The bad news is those that tuned in saw a frustrating end to the Scott Smith vs. Robbie Lawler fight followed by the unimpressive debut of the much hyped Kimbo Slice.

Yes, Kimbo won. But his absurd lack of cardio, questionable punching power, inability to stop a takedown, and cluelessness of what to do in the guard left a blueprint for his next opponent to follow. Not only was he exposed as a joke of a fighter, his aura of invincibility is gone for good.

Kimbo will almost assuredly lose his next fight. And the one after that…

So what do you do with Kimbo now?

It’s time for Kimbo to take a page out of the Floyd “Money” Mayweather playbook and turn heel. Playing the villain makes perfect sense. His supporters will still love him (with even more fervor), and his detractors will only want to see him lose that much more.

He needs to drop the “I’m just learning… I’m just a baby” talk and start talking smack. Say you’re the best. Say you’re the baddest man on the planet. Say no one can beat you. It’s what everyone wants to hear.

Then when you lose all of your fights, you can blame it on crooked refs, or too much partying with the ladies, or those crazy MMA rules. “I came to fight, not roll around on the ground like some sissy,” you could gruff. Hey, it’s worked for Tank Abbott for years.

After disgracing the sport of MMA in the U.S. for a few years, Kimbo could transition to Japan and feud with Bob “The Beast” Sapp in the Hustle promotion. They could settle the score once and for all over who is the most hyped disappointment.

A stranger asked me at the gym if I would fight Kimbo. Given the choice between stepping in the cage for three five minute rounds with Kimbo Slice (235 pounds) or WEC featherweight champion Uriah Faber (145 pounds), I’d choose Kimbo.

I may not be able to beat him, but I could probably outrun him long enough until he collapses from exhaustion onto the mat. Maybe then I could sneak in a few Lyoto Machida style kicks to eek out a victory.

Yeah, I think I could beat Kimbo Slice. But I don't have to. His next opponent will do that for me.

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