Duke Sucks - Funny Sports Speakers Available for Hire

Duke Sucks - The Book

Duke Sucks - the new book by comedians and sports authors Reed Tucker and Andy Bagwell - is not about the celebrated UNC/Duke rivalry. It is instead a thoroughly humorous investigation into why Duke basketball is the single most hated team in America.

The authors are graduates and former classmates from the University of North Carolina. They also happen to be former stand-up comedians. This one-two punch makes sure not only that no stone is left un-turned in their investigation, but no joke is left untold.

Reed Tucker is a staff features writer at the New York Post. He has performed at the top comedy clubs in New York and currently resides in Brooklyn, New York.

Andy Bagwell is a former member of Selected Hilarity, one of the top college comedy acts in the nation. He lives in Cary, North Carolina.

The two host the “Tar Heel Bred, Tar Heel Dead” podcast, an obsessive, occasionally humorous look at UNC basketball.

Each of these funny sports speakers are available to speak at your college campus, chamber of commerce banquet, alumni gathering, or after dinner corporate event. A typical keynote presentation might consist of reading from the book followed by a Q&A.

To hire Reed Tucker or Andy Bagwell to speak at your event, please contact Larry Weaver Entertainment.

For media inquiries, please contact the PR department at St. Martin's Press. 

How The Secret Brought Me $100,000

“The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” - Job 1: 21

The following is a true story.

Rhonda Byrne’s book, The Secret, has hovered at or near the top of the New York Times Best Seller list for 65 weeks. I must admit I was a little late joining the party. But a cultural phenomenon like The Secret can’t be ignored by someone who claims to be up on pop culture. I bought the book at Target (keeper of all of life’s great mysteries) and enjoyed the read. I even watched The Secret DVD.

The premise of The Secret lies within the “Law of Attraction.”

• Ask: Know what you want and ask the universe for it.
• Believe: Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way.
• Receive: Be open to receiving it.

I wholeheartedly believe in the Law of Attraction. But it’s not exactly groundbreaking stuff. In Matthew 7:7, the Bible reads “Ask, and it shall be given you; Seek, and ye shall find; Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Sounds familiar, right?

One particular passage of The Secret caught my eye. In the chapter "The Secret to Money", David Schirmer told the story of visualizing checks coming in the mail instead of bills: "I just visualized checks coming in the mail... today I just get checks in the mail." Byrnes goes on to add, "we have received hundreds and hundreds of letters from people who have said that since watching the film they have received unexpected checks in the mail."

Huh?

I decided to give it a try. As Q1 drew to a close, I needed quite a bit of money to meet my financial goal for the quarter. I knew it was possible, but I wasn’t sure where the money would come from. I went to The Secret website, printed out their "Bank of the Universe" blank check (to help me visualize the money coming in), and filled it out. I posted it on my refrigerator so I would be reminded every day that it was coming. Then I waited...

Let me be clear about this. I fully believed that I would receive this money. As the month passed by, I never doubted.

Sure enough, the money came. I opened my mail to find an unexpected check in the amount of... $108,559.00!

Click image to enlarge

The Secret delivered... Big-time.

But why did I get this check? And what was it for? Certainly my bank wasn’t about to cash a check in this amount without some investigation.

I called up the organization who sent the check and left a voicemail inquiring about the purpose of the payment. I never mentioned the amount, just the invoice number. I posted the new check on my refrigerator in front of The Secret check. I wondered what I would do with the money.

After a few weeks, the phone call finally came. It turns out the check should have been for $25.00, and it was a monumental clerical error. The lady was gracious that I hadn’t cashed the check, and asked me to return it so she would not get in further trouble. I gladly obliged.

The end of quarter came. I did not meet my goal.

Is that the end of the story? I don’t think so. I still believe the money is coming. Maybe someone will read this story and be inspired to prove The Secret correct.

Just in case, my mailing address is:
Larry Weaver
PO Box 14313
Durham, NC 27709

"Don't stop believing" - Journey

Saturday Night Live Backstage News from Writer Bryan Tucker

Saturday Night Live returned to the airwaves this week after three long months. Third-year writer Bryan Tucker gives us his thoughts on the show and what to expect this season...
It was great to see Saturday Night Live back on the air. What was the mood like during the first week back?
The atmosphere on Saturday was fun - lots of media were there. I think there was a lot of buzz because it was the first show after the strike and people were eager to see who was going to play Barack Obama.
The press made it sound like there was almost an open casting call for a Barack Obama impersonator. Was that the case? At what point was the call made to go with Fred Armisen?
They made the decision that Fred would do it after holding auditions for new cast members and nothing working out. They told Fred on Tuesday night, and he had only a couple days to try and make something work. I think if you take the race part out of it, it's pretty amazing how much he looks like Barack with the right makeup on.
You’re a big fan of Steve Martin’s book “Born Standing Up”. Did you get a chance to talk about the book with him?
I got to say "hi" to Steve, but that was about it. I didn't get to really have a conversation with him.
For those familiar with your writing, “What’s that Bitch Talking About” was clearly written by you. Congratulations on getting a sketch on in the first 30 minutes. What can you tell us about the sketch, and was the competition for airtime particularly strong this week?
"What's That Bitch Talking About?" went fine, but I wouldn't put it at the top of my resume. It did well at the big table read on Wednesday, and Tina told me that she really liked it, so I knew it had a good shot of being in the show. There were lots of sketches written by Tina, Seth Meyers and 30 year veteran Jim Downey, so a writer with ordinary status didn't have a great shot of getting stuff on this week. But that sketch had a different vibe, and managed to break through, which was gratifying.
The show got its highest rating in 2 years, which was nice to see. And I hope it continues because NBC has agreed to do a full eight shows through May if we have good ratings and meet our budget, and they're only going to do six if we don't. I get paid per show, so two more shows means a lot more money for me.
At last week’s UNC Comedy Festival, The Daily Show producer Rory Albanese mentioned they were recruiting you to help write jokes for Jon Stewart’s Oscar performance. Did you have time this week to help out, and what can you tell us about your contributions?
Yes, I got hired to write jokes for the Oscars. They only had a week to prepare, so Jon Stewart got all of his Daily Show writers to work on the show, and he also enlisted the help of three or four outside writers who would just send jokes in. I was one of those guys. I sent them a few pages of jokes on Tuesday. I worked hard on them and thought I did a good job, but none of them made it on. I wasn't disappointed, and any joke getting on would've been a nice surprise. It's very tough to get through when you're not there and part the inner circle, and you need to write a joke that's either incredibly original and funny or tackles a subject matter that haven't covered by want to. It's okay. At least I can put "Oscar writer" on my resume.
What can we look forward to in future SNL episodes?
SNL has four episodes in a row, and the next one is with Ellen Page from Juno, who couldn't come in today because she needed a day to recover after the Oscars. Then Amy Adams from "Enchanted", then Jonah Hill from "Superbad." After that it's open, then the last three weeks are Ashton Kutcher, Shia LaBeouf, and Steve Carrell.
We'll try to get more news from Bryan in the upcoming weeks. In the meantime, be sure to subscribe to this blog feed and add Bryan's MySpace page for "Selected Hilarity" to your friends!

Kristy Lee Cook - American Idol Scandal

Kristy Lee Cook pulled our heart strings on American Idol with her story of plucky log-cabin dwelling small town horse trainer who sells her horse to travel to the audition. Aww... And the judges seemed so sincere when they "discovered" this amazing new talent. I mean, what's not to love?

Everyone knows the game is rigged, right? We don't care if some of the people are actors, or if the plucky small town girl was signed to Britney Spears' management team, do we?

Here's a news post from 2001: Kristy Lee Signs In Triplicate with Arista, Britney, and BMI Brand-new Arista Nashville artist Kristy Lee continued to establish her roots in Music City by signing a songwriter affiliation deal with BMI at their Nashville offices. In addition to her label contract, Lee recently inked a deal with Britney Spears' newly-formed production company as its debut artist. Superstar Spears, a BMI affiliate, has already agreed to make a cameo appearance in Lee's first video. The 17-year-old singer claims Selma, Oregon as her home, although recent months have been spent attending to business matters in Nashville and performing live in various venues in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area. Lee adds horses and softball to her passions beyond music. She is managed by Marty Rendleman, who formerly managed LeAnn Rimes. - BMI.com

It gets better. Watch her in bed, in a wet t-shirt, in lingerie, and singing in front of the Confederate flag in her debut music video:

I'll ask again, does anyone care that the game is rigged? The whole thing makes the ending rant from contestant Christina Tolisano that much more ironic...

Kristy Lee Cook Downloads - Only $.99

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The Wire - HBO Season 5 Review

For years I’ve read how HBO’s The Wire is the best show on television. Last year I began watching with Season 4, and I have to concur. Season 4 of The Wire is easily one of the greatest achievements in television or film ever.

Using Baltimore as a backdrop, The Wire reveals an ugly side of America that few of us ever see - or care to see. Although not filmed in documentary style, the show is so well written, produced, and edited that it seems as if you are peering in on the lives of very real people.

Here’s the catch – it’s not easy to watch. After nearly every episode I have to consult the HBO website, discussion boards, and Google just to figure out all of the characters and their relationships. Never has a show been so challenging... or rewarding. I encourage you to seek it out Season 4 on DVD and make the commitment to see it through.

• The Wire - The Complete Fourth Season


• The Wire - Seasons 1-4

Season 5 begins with the disbanding of the major crimes unit investigating West-Side Baltimore drug kingpin Marlo Stanfield. After a year, the unit still has no evidence and no witnesses to the murders perpetrated by Stanfield. That is, until Episode 2.

Episode 2 of season 5 ended so dramatically – with the alcohol-induced breakdown of Detective McNulty, that no one seemed to notice there may be a new witness in police custody. When Snoop and Chris gunned down Junebug at home for disrespecting Marlo, Michael had strict orders to drop anyone who came out the back door. But Michael, showing that perhaps he is not cut out for this game, let a young kid flee the scene.

Did the child see Snoop and Chris? Could he identify them in a police lineup? Will Marlo be brought to justice before the series finale?

Like any great work of art, you can read a lot into the details. Many saw episode 2 as a grave foreshadowing of things to come. Me? I saw a glimmer of hope. Perhaps there will be a new day in Baltimore after all.

Target Commercial Song - Music and Artist from Latest Commercial

Have you seen the latest Target commercial on TV? The 2-day sale commercial looks like a Flash-based video game (it is), and features a soundtrack from what sounds like a girls cheerleading team. You can take a look at it here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FZf7TjGbaHA

The song is by without a doubt my favorite new band to emerge over the past several years - The Go! Team. The song is called "We Just Won't Be Defeated" and is off their 2004 debut album "Thunder, Lightning, Strike". I don't believe there is an official video for the song, but you can enjoy this live concert version:



The Go! Team are an English, Brighton-based six piece band (with two drummers) whose songs are a mixture of action theme songs, cheerleader chants, guitars and early hip hop, with a hint of '70s funk. They are awesome.

The Go! Team more than deserve their own post, so I'll compose a more detailed writeup later. For now, enjoy a Target commercial actually worth watching instead of skipping through. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Get the CD: Thunder, Lightning, Strike

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How to Make a Transformers Costume

Are you dreaming of stepping out this Halloween in your best Optimus Prime Costume? Perhaps you'd prefer a Bumble Bee Costume, or another of your favorite Transformer costumes for kids? While it's not a technically a guide to Transformer costume, here's a good guide to building a giant robot costume.
Just a few minor tweaks and you'll be Optimus Prime or Bumble Bee in no time. Looks fairly straightforward, right? Well, you could always buy a costume:

Free Shipping on all orders of $70 or more!
OK, here's another idea: just go as Sam (Shia LaBeouf) or Mikaela (Megan Fox) and rent your own giant robot. Here' s my favorite Giant Robot for Rent: Number 9 out of Greensboro, NC:

Comment on this Video at YouTube
His fee starts at $1,000 and up plus travel. It's a small price to pay for being the coolest kid (or adult) on the block. You can get a free estimate here.
No, he's not technically a Transformer. But who's going to make fun of you when you're flanked by a Eight-Foot-Tall Giant Robot?

Tags: Optimus Prime Costumes, Transformers Bumble Bee Costumes, Transformer Costumes For Kids, Transformer Deluxe Costume, How To Make a Transformer Costume

Do Women Hate Edyta Sliwinska from Dancing with the Stars?

Water cooler talk around these parts occasionally turns to reality TV. Someone might ask me “Who do you think will win Dancing with the Stars?” Truthfully, I have no idea. Nor do I have any idea who will win American Idol.

The reason I don’t know who is going to win is simple: I don’t know who is voting. If you gave me a demographic breakdown of the voters (age, gender, geographical location, economic status), I’ll bet you I could venture a really good guess.

Dancing with the Stars is unique because your success depends in large part with who you are “randomly” paired with. You need a good instructor, a good relationship, and a certain amount of chemistry. But is there more to it than that? Could the person you’re partnered with actually be a detriment?

Consider this: in four seasons of Dancing with the Stars, Cheryl Burke has won twice. The arguably equally as talented Edyta Sliwinska has only placed as high as 3rd – and that was with the enormously popular Joey Lawrence (and yes, I realize how ridiculous those last four words sound).

Is Cheryl that much better than Edyta, or is something more sinister in play? Could it be that the people voting dislike Edyta? Ask the ladies around here and you’ll get some pretty negative responses towards Mrs. Sliwinska. Women don’t seem to like the way she dresses, the ways she carries herself, or the way she looks at her partners. I guess in contrast Cheryl just seems more… well, likeable.

So is Edyta doomed? Is she destined to be voted off early simply because the people calling in don’t like her? Maybe so. If you find yourself partnered with her on the show, are you automatically regulated to not finishing well? Perhaps.

But don’t feel too sorry for the guys paired with Edyta. They do, after all, get to dance with Edyta. And that’s a fate certainly worth coming in 5th place.

• Edyta Sliwinska - Dancing Like the Pros
• Edyta Sliwinska - Fitness with the Pros

iPod Nano Commercial Song - Full Length Videos

Have you seen the new iPod nano commercial? You know, the catchy one with the lyrics "1 2 3 4 tell me that you love me more". Here is the commercial:

If you've been wondering who sings the iPod nano song in the commercial, wonder no more. The artist is Feist (Leslie Feist), the song is called "1 2 3 4" from the album "The Reminder". Here's the video:

Congratulations to Feist on the exposure. It's a gorgeous song that will no doubt help Apple sell tons of nanos.

• Get The CD: Feist - The Reminder
• Get the MP3: Feist 1234
• Get an iPod Nano!

Frustrated Video Dater - Official Site

The viral video sensation known as "Frustrated Video Dater Loses His Cool," "Crazed Video Dater," or "Dating Video Losers" has swept across the Net. Watch the video and read all about its origins below.

There is surprisingly a lot of debate on the Net about whether this video is "real" or "fake." That ambiguity and ensuing debate has certainly fueled the video's popularity.
The video originated from a homemade TV "pilot" shot in 1995 by Selected Hilarity Comedy Group, which consisted of four friends and me from the University of North Carolina. We were at the height of our popularity, touring cross-country literally as much as we wanted to. We had a lot of interest in production companies in NY and LA, and our agent thought it would be a good if we self-produced a sketch comedy show pilot to shop around (the soundness of that idea is certainly debatable).
Our idea was a show that would follow us around the country on tour. Each week would be from a different town on the road, and the show would combine "reality" style segments on the street, clips from the live performances, and pre-taped sketches. Keep in mind that in 1995 this concept was pretty far ahead of its time. I'm not sure our pilot approached that concept, but that was the idea.
Scott came up with the idea for the "frustrated video dater" sketch and stars in the sketch. I'm not sure where he got the inspiration, but hopefully he will share that in the comments section. We recorded the faux blooper from the "Casanova Dating Service" at the Student Television studio on the campus of UNC. The grainy film effect was added using the state-of-the art Commodore Amiga 2000 Video Toaster.
I have no idea what our agent did with the pilot. We premiered two 30-minute episodes of "The Selected Hilarity Show" to a very enthusiastic crowd of about 200 at UNC. Other than that, I'm not sure if anyone ever saw any of these sketches. We went our separate ways less than two years later and the pilot has remained in my attic ever since. It was always my intention to eventually do something with the video. It just took me 10 years to get around to it.
This Spring I finally started converting all of my VHS tapes to DVD. I couldn't find an original copy of the pilot, so what you see on the Net is a 12-year-old bad copy of a VHS tape from my attic transferred to DVD to AVI to MPG to FLV. That also explains how we made the footage look so "old."
Besides the "frustrated video dater" sketch, two other sketches from the show "Momo the Sign Language Gorilla" and "The Floor" experience popularity after both were featured on the homepage of MySpace.
We're glad everyone enjoys the videos. It's satisfying to have help create comedy that stands the test of time. Be sure to check out sketches from The Selected Hilarity Show on YouTube.

How to Get Vince McMahon to Clean Up the Drug Problem in WWE

How do we get Vince McMahon to clean up the drug problem in WWE? Give him a financial incentive to do so.

In the wake of the Chris Benoit tragedy, pro wrestling has received an unprecedented amount of mainstream media coverage. A full two weeks after the grisly double murder/suicide, Chris Benoit appears on the cover of People Magazine, and Larry King Live plans to devote an entire hour to drug use in pro wrestling. Everyone is seeking answers to explain this horrific act.

Two key talking points have emerged in the discussions: rampant drug use (particularly steroids) among pro wrestlers, and the lack of an “off-season” – or any scheduled vacation at all – to recuperate from the rigors of the pro wrestling lifestyle. Some are calling for Congressional intervention. Others are calling for WWE owner Vince McMahon to step down. But if history is any indication, this story will blow over and nothing will change.

Change Must Come From The Top Down

We can glean from past actions and interviews that McMahon is fascinated with the muscled-up bodybuilder look, and gets incredibly defensive when people start pointing fingers at him. Despite numerous tragedies, he has shown little or no interest in making changes that would benefit the well-being of the wrestlers. The current “Wellness Policy” – put in place after the untimely death of Eddie Guerrero – is by all accounts nothing more than a PR move to show that the WWE is “testing.” So how do we get McMahon to enact real changes to improve the health of wrestlers? We have to give him a financial incentive to do so.

The May 14 issue of the Wrestling Observer newsletter outlined the major business changes made when WWE lost two headliners within the same week due to injuries commonly associated with steroid use. WWE champion The Undertaker had to abandon his planned long-term title reign, and up-and-comer Ken Kennedy lost his intended year-long title chase schedule to culminate at Wrestlemania. Editor Dave Meltzer made a very astute observation about the WWE’s Wellness Policy: a key goal of the policy should actually be to keep the wrestlers healthy. This is how we can get WWE to initiate positive changes in the industry: show McMahon that it is good for the bottom line.

It's Cheaper to Retain Stars Than it is to Create New Ones

Other industries have regular studies on the actual monetary cost of retaining employees versus training new ones. This is nothing new, yet no one in the mainstream media has made the connection to the pro wrestling industry. Consider this Who’s Who list of inactive WWE superstars:

Wrestlers who died while working for WWE:
Eddie Guerrero, Brian Pillman, Chris Benoit (not counting the dozens of active wrestlers who passed while not employed by WWE)

Main eventers who quit WWE due to demands of the industry:
Bill Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Rob Van Dam, Chris Jericho, Big Show

Current WWE Superstars on the sideline due to injuries:
Triple H, Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels, Ken Kennedy

Recent WWE headliners forced to retire early due to injuries:
Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, JBL

That list makes for quite the potential PPV lineup.

Think about that for one second. What is the present value of having these wrestlers healthy and active? What is the future value? These are real bottom-line numbers that can be calculated. With these figures, we can put a dollar value on the case for making positives changes to WWE. We can calculate the value of giving wrestlers time off. We can calculate the value for enforcing a stricter drug policy and suspending or firing those who fail. We can make a case to Vince McMahon, WWE, and its shareholders in a language they all can agree on: the bottom line.

Healthy Wrestlers are Good for Business

I challenge prominent pro wrestling journalists and the mainstream media to make this case. Come up with the numbers and get them out into the open. Vince McMahon’s past actions have not shown that he truly cares about the well-being of his wrestlers. But he does care about business. Let’s show him that keeping wrestlers healthy is good business.